Why I Didn’t Push My Son to Play College Football — And What That Did for Us

High School Son & College Football

Last summer, my oldest son was heading into his senior year of high school. He’d been working hard on the football field for years, and all of a sudden, playing at the college level was actually on the table.

D3 coaches were reaching out. It was the kind of opportunity so many kids dream about — the kind of thing parents can easily get wrapped up in too.

I won’t pretend I didn’t have moments where I thought, Should I be pushing him more? Should I encourage him to respond, set up future visits, or pursue?

What a special time! Loved being his #1 Fan!

But here’s what I noticed: while he was busy applying to colleges, he wasn’t talking about football. He wasn’t responding to the coaches who emailed. He was planning his future, just not the one in football that many others dreamed of.

So instead of pressuring or peppering him with questions, I decided to pay attention to what his actions were telling me. He was showing me exactly what he wanted, even if he didn’t say it outright. He wanted to go to college and focus on his studies. He had academic goals.

Because I did that, I got to be fully present for every game of his senior season. I celebrated every touchdown pass, felt every tough loss, without worrying about what it all meant for his “next step.” I was just present!

More than anything, it protected our communication. If I’d ignored the signals and pushed my thoughts, he might have started shutting me out. And that open door we’ve always had? That’s more important than any college roster.

✅ A few things that helped me stay centered:

• Paying close attention to what he was doing, not just what I thought he should be doing.

• Reminding myself that his path is his, not mine.

• Being honest when he did open up — telling him how proud I was, and how I’d support him no matter which direction he chose.

  
  

💬 How I brought it up: The hard part!

“Hey, I saw that email from the D3 coach. Are you still interested in college football, or are you feeling more excited about something else?”

“What a season it’s been. Is there anything you want to do to mark the end of it all?”

“I always knew high school football would be four short years. I’m just so glad you made the most of it.”

📝 Why it matters

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about parenting teens, it’s this: when we follow their lead — even when it’s hard, we keep the lines of trust and communication wide open. Our goal is the long game, not just what happens today.